Karma?

I am a ridiculously optimistic person - not in the sunny, morning energy kind of way - more in the genuinely good mood, water off a duck's back kind of way. But I have to start to question what's going on in my life - in a bigger cosmic sense - when the steady stream of crap continues to trickle down on me. It has been a year worthy of breaking even the most optimistic of souls, but I really believed that I had made it over the hump so to speak and that I might be actually heading towards greener pastures. So why I ask you is it my karmic fate to be without hot water for Christmas? What do you mean - you might be asking...didn't you just replace your hot water heater in May? ...Why yes, I did...so what the fuck! (I KNOW...in the grander scheme of the world, a little hot water is a luxury to so many...and my home was not washed away by a hurricane, and I am not starving, and I don't live in a refrigerator box under an expressway, and I didn't watch my family get washed out to sea by a tsunami, and I haven't lost anyone to Bush's folly) ... but, this is a brand new hot water heater, freshly installed less than a year ago. And this week is the only time off I've had since May. And I spent my last vacation days dealing with a flooded basement and the replacement of aforementioned water heater. So why am I doomed to spend my next couple of days dealing with it all again? Is there nothing in our modern 21st century world that works like it is supposed to? Must everything break? I swear my entire house is made up of REALLY old, well-built stuff that has finally after years of service decided to give out, or REALLY new, craptacular stuff that doesn't work longer than a second and a half. Either way, I am screwed...so again, I must ask..what karmic corner did I turn to get this backlash of crap? I hold the door for old people and moms with stollers; I smile at crying babies and take shit from grumpy customers; I donate clothes and put money in firemen's boots at stoplights; I work long hours and make no money; I have graciously (if cautiously) stuck with my alcoholic husband until he quit and am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he has changed and is making things right. So why can't I catch a break...why can't everything hold together until I can save a little money, have a little cushion...oh yeah, and I have a cold - sneezing (I hate sneezing), coughing, scratchy throat, stuffy head, achy kind of cold...

The flip side of this (in my optimistic way, I must look at all angles)...because I have three days in a row free, I can take care of this problem and not miss work. (And I am home in my jammies with hot tea and good drugs, not at work snotting on people). I do have a home and heat and food and although my relationship is far from perfect or even great, at least I am not dealing with the raging alcoholic that I used to live with. There is a calm about me now that I did not have six months ago...a calm that I feel I have earned, but that is maybe just maybe a karmic way of balancing the odds...

So I know I will prevail (as only an optimist such as myself can know)...but I must confess, I long for something a little easier, a little less dramatic, a little less in need of karmic balance...