Family, Friends, Football and Fowl

I'll admit it, I love Thanksgiving. I think it's fond memories of my mother's house, cooking and seeing my family whom I actually like. Also, Thanksgiving was when my tight circle of friends came home from school and we all hung out for the first time in 3 months. We laughed and drank and generally, unlike commercialized Christmas or the overly built up expectations of New Year's, Thanksgiving always delivered. The food was always good, I always laughed with my friends, football was festive and it was always worth the trip home.

Now, my sister lives too far away to come home for Thanksgiving. I work retail and can't go home either. My gram is too old to travel to me, so my parents don't come up either. I cook every year, always battling my in-laws who thnk we shouldn't work so hard and want to take us out to a crowded impersonal restaurant. And literally all my friends are married and moved to other states. Sure, we all grow up, move on, build our own families, blah, blah, blah...but well, I guess I'm just a little nostalgic for the good old days lately.

And truthfully, CJ's parents are petty cool people. I certainly could have done a lot worse in that department. But this year, this holiday, I really could have cared less if I saw them or not. And it was fine when they left. I was relieved to not have to entertain, steer the conversation to neutral ground, or simply bite my tongue. And I'm just too tired to confront them or to pretend like there is nothing wrong. It's draining enough to second guess playing nice with CJ all the time.

But beyond all that, I am thankful. I have lots of people who love me, even if I can't see them regularly anymore and I think finally, I am taking charge of myself again. Perhaps, finally, I can be thankful for not feeling completely lost and for just maybe finding my focus. But still, that nostalgia lingers....