One Year Later
It's amazing to me that a whole year (and some change has passed) since he quit drinking. It amazes me that although things seem to be better, I still feel very much in the same place - financially especially. And I know that I still have a very long way to go emotionally. Although NICJ continues to surprise me, I still expect the old reactions. I still steel myself and put up the defensive wall in most situations. But I am allowing for the surprise. Sometimes...
What I miss more than anything is intimacy - knowing someone completely and having them know you and trusting that they will not let you down. I'm not so jaded as to think it doesn't exist...but I know I'm not going to feel it again for a long time. I guess for now, I need to continue to try very hard to focus on getting my shit together - money, daily responsibility, some sort of rest and relaxation, and oh, yes, my body. Since I refuse to get middle aged and fat, I better get started controlling the roll around my center. One day at a time right?
posted by k at 12:25 PM
2 Comments:
lately i keep going back to things my mother would say when i was a young pup, multiple things which would most often end with 'when you're an adult'. one of those things she so sagely told me was "as you get older time goes by faster."
so, as time whizzes by it becomes harder and harder to think that a year is really a year. feels more like a couple of months really.
the scary part is that if it's all going by so fast...the feeling of needing to cram more stuff in gets more intense.
And then i realize i just love to stay in bed and not do things when i can.
anyway, i hope a the year has been a profitable one. going in a good direction at least. it sounds that way. and by the lack of problem blogging, one might conclude as much.
time. it is a seriously mind boggling thing. i've been here for seven years. my friend laurie has a four year old girl. i saw friends last weekend that i hadn't seen for two years. a two year blip! manteiga is four. i'm thirty one and jd is thirty five. how does all this happen.
one day at a time i suppose.
Monday, October 30, 2006 1:07:00 PM
yes, time suckage, as I like to call it is hard to wrap the brain around. getting enough sleep and being productive with my day helps me feel less that I am wasting time and getting nowhere. that is one of my goals going into the holidays.
but what I really was trying to say is that I don't feel like much has changed at all. that I am still financially strapped, he is still working parttime crap jobs and we are no closer to putting in a fence than we were two years ago. makes me frustrated. and wary that life is passing me by while I struggle with the day to day. wondering when I look back on life if the only interesting things i'll have to talk about will have ended in my 20s....
Monday, October 30, 2006 3:24:00 PM
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