This Ache
And I have this constant ache in my soul, in my heart. I'm a genuinely happy person. I don't wear morose or depressed very well. And neither last long with me...but this ache won't leave. It overwhelms me when I least expect it and sometimes I can't shake it for days. Sometimes it even brings me to tears. How do I release this ache, this sorrow that envelops me? How do I move on?
posted by k at 7:02 PM
2 Comments:
The whole 'sometimes-overwhelmes-me' thing? This is what's most disconcerting in my own life. How to let go of the ache, how to move on. It's just one of the things that isn't taught, maybe can't be taught very easily.
Sorry...I'm probably over-empathising here, but you should email me sometime and we can at the very least vent at each other. :)
Sunday, March 26, 2006 1:15:00 PM
What I find irritating is that sleep deprivation is usually a culprit in these fatalistic rants...and in that feeling of being overwhelmed...but the truth is that even if I can identify that it's sleep...it's an underlying, persistent thought - that my life is askew and I'm not entirely sure how to get back on track...that despite the fact that things are actually going so much better than this time last year, I've also lost a great deal in the last year and that's frustrating...like dragging yourself out of a deep pit only to fall face first into another one. And I am frustrated by the fact that I can have this great day - like yesterday and it just takes everything out of me so that today, and tomorrow probably, I'll be beat and exhausted and have to go through this melancholy phase again. Because unlike before when I was happy with me, there is this constant underlying sadness that I cannot shake - even when for a day or two I'm able to focus on something else and enjoy life...it keeps sneeking back in - it's deflating and draining...
thanks for your support and empathy. it's nice to not feel alone and to have intelligent conversation with someone who gets it....I will email you too.
Monday, March 27, 2006 12:38:00 PM
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