I honor the place in me that honors the place in you....what??!

Okay - so I went to my very first ever Yoga class on Saturday morn. Whew - what a great thing - totally dug it. (I gots some serious work cut out for me in the balance department!) Ummm, yeah until she started spouting about returning to the place you were born and honoring the place in you and honoring the place in me that something something, blah, blah, blah...

don't get me wrong, I'm all for incense, fab-music that doesn't have a pulsating beat to it and the breathing thingy works great...but I think I'm just too old for the new-agey speak...I'm loving the strength exercises and the stretches and the balance part - the once-athlete in me gets it totally. And I actually get the chakra, mind-body connection part...(I shouldn't say "actually" I have a healthy appreciation for eastern philosophy and healing...) but the little closing ditty about whatever...is just silliness (to me anyway) and sort of detracts from an overall supercool experience. (of course not enough to stop me from going back 3 more times this week!)

Truthfully, my workouts have been few and far between lately - not enough sleep, too much work, cramming in friends, dealing with a new schedule...blah, blah, blah....so anything that motivates me to go more than once in a two-week period is right up there with hot fudge sundaes and lazy days on the beach when it comes to good stuff...

So, I haul my cookies out of bed at the ass-crack of dawn on Sunday to go again...much more stiff today than yesterday - (it must be working!) anyway - same teacher, much bigger class - and she's talking about clearing you mind, letting the thought-stress go and she references computers. She says to minimize our racing thoughts by using the cursor of our mind to move the thoughts over to the side and out of the way! So this totally new-age, earth connection thing gets all jumbled up with the technology and convenience of computers - which, depending how you look at it is the very picture of the information/techonology age, ratrace, etc. Although I know she was creating a visual for the mind to help accomplish the task she was aiming at...I still find it interesting how segments of culture can get tangled up the more mainstream they become - or rather how something like computer useage transcends culture and becomes part of the lexicon....

anyway...I'm determined to keep going and hopefully in a month or so, I'll limber up and get flexible and be able to do the triangle with my front knee straight and the leg lift thingy that looks like we're trying to copy the ice skaters but without the skates...since I was once able to put my leg behind my head...I'm hoping it's like riding a bike...my muscles will remember eventually...won't they?

NICJ - my ass!

mutha-fucka better quit missin the garbage can with his snot rag - overflowin, cascading, kleenex mountain in my bathroom gonna get this sucka an ass-kickin! show some gdfuckin respect - clean up yo shit and quit actin like my house comes with maid service - I ain't yo momma!

Fairy Tale

A Princess.....

This is the fairy tale that we should have been reading as little girls...

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself: I don't freakin' think so!

Ya Gotta Be Kidding Me

Do you know what tonight's second top story was on the ten o'clock news? Women who are choosing to leave the workforce to be housewives...are you kidding me? This is news? This is an issue of any kind? The Olympics are in full swing, we are still occupying Iraq, Israel is in turmoil, and women leaving the freakin workforce to choose to be housewives is what we're reporting. Fucking shoot me now. It's no wonder Bush got elected a second time. Because seemingly intelligent human beings continue to make issues out of and create drama over ridiculous things. And for the record, this is why I DO NOT watch the news. None of it. It's all ratings and drama and silliness. There is no such thing as good reporting and intelligent, thought-provoking news. I mean, seriously, the heartfelt reporting on Michelle Kwan stepping out of the Olympics had more class. And that's just ice skating. Seriously...

Kids Today

My friend Justin sends me this stuff - makes me giggle - sometimes you need a little levity in your day. Enjoy.

"When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look aroud and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't
know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet-we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter-with a pen! --and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the begining and f@#* it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your ! options! We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed! And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning ...D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't lasted five minutes back in 1984!"

ps: ThinkGeek.com